::jazz hands:: and many mmoorreee

Having a hard time lately. I think its because I have too much time to think. Once our gym memberships come through, it should get a little easier. 


I think part of my problem is we are in a rut. I am used to having something to plan ahead for. When we were dating I was saving up, and gathering things for when we bought a house. When we moved, we didnt need a thing because I had been hoarding for 2 years. Then, I got to plan the wedding for 2 years (part of which was simultaneous with the hoarding), so that kept me occupied. Then when we moved into the house, we had all sorts of home projects to keep me busy. Now what?

We still have alot of home projects, but we are out of money to complete them. 

I know you are thinking "well have a baby." a) bite me. b) we dont have the money for a baby. Now I know you are thinking "you cant wait till you have money to have a baby". Well, let me just say to you- there is a difference between "I cant afford to get a manicure" broke, and "Im having trouble paying the mortgage" broke. Guess which we are? It would be nothing short of selfish of us to have a baby right now just because we want one. We cant even afford to buy it the basics. We cant even afford gas for our cars to get to work most days. Not that it should matter, because I would have to quit my job anyway. So we would be even more screwed. 

I just feel very lost. I want to move to Colorado, but I want to buy an old building in OTR and renovate it, and make the storefront a small furniture shop of old stuff I find around town, fix up, and sell. I want to be a teacher, I want to be a news anchor, I want to have a baby. I just dont know what to do. And the sad part is, it all revolves around money. 

I hate money.