nostalgia

I was looking at old LiveJournal entries from when I was all of 17 years old. Most of them being about my parents or about my horrible ex boyfriend (before he turned horrible.) Its all teenage rambling and nonsense... but it still makes me kinda sad. I feel like I had passion back then. Like I had fun. I feel like I'm not passionate about anything anymore. Its like I turned myself off. I cant remember the last time I felt SO strongly about anything really. Back then it was like I had fun all the time. I don't remember the last time I came home and had such a fun time that I had to shout it from the rooftops. Its kinda depressing. I feel like at some point I just shut down. I don't remember doing it, I don't know when it started, and I don't know how to turn it back on. The only thing I feel passionately anymore is my need to  leave Cincinnati.... and now that I think about it, its probably because- deep down- I'm looking for something to awaken my senses again. Maybe that has something to do with my baby fever too. I need something to kick me in the face and tell me to wake up! I feel like I'm dead inside and all I do is go through the motions to make it to another day. I dunno. I just want to feel like I feel things again.